there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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