Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize