Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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