Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
