Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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