Need sex. Gaining weight.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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