He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize