How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
