Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
