remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
