Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
