thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
