Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
