I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I enjoy the company of your penis
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