i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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