All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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