end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
