I would go down on you faster than GM stock
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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