homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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