I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
