I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
