none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
