There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
The uberlube is also flammable
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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