Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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