bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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