i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
