my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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