Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
