Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
