i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
