My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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