Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
