i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize