clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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