I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Its about making memories worth repressing
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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