my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
