get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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