so that wasnt chicken after all
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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