I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
If its not for food we ain't going out.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
