I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
