I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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