i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
And then he peed in my hair
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