his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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