Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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