I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
