just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize