Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize