Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
