Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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