epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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