i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
