the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I have already put on my inside pants.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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