It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
is it fun? or sober?
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