I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
