apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
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