dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
