So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
