i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Someone came in the potted fern
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
