people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
cat food counts as protein by the way
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Are my feet made of real feet?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
