You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
