And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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