Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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