well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
