I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I can't turn off my feet"
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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