My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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