So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
