dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
