He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
