One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
