And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
