I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
