3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
