Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
