It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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