Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
