Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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