Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
