how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
