Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
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