My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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