Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
