Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
