I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
