Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
