I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just forgot I was standing up.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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