she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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