Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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