Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
