I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
