Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
