Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
