do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
