Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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