saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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