My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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