i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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