Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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