Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
