Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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