my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
