I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
