My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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