I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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