You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I bet he comes in French.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
