Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
