Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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