That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
