You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
