She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
