Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Even my vagina gasped.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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