Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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