I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
My liver just had a heart attack.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize