I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
