I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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