Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize