Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
This toilet bowl is my home.
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