Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Ketchup is God's man juice
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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